One of the biggest changes in life I have tried to make is
learning to not always assume the worst (notice I said learning). Many of us
have heard the expressions of seeing the glass half full vs. half empty or
seeing the light at the end of the tunnel instead of focusing on the tunnel
itself. I was one of the worst pessimists and it has been very difficult to
shift my focus. When it came to looking at the glass, I didn't even see it half
empty, I assumed it would be empty soon!
One of my favorite questions I used to ask (my good friend
Michael Cardarelli can attest to this): Why is the entire world against me? Certain
periods of my life may not have always been the best, but there sure wasn't
anything that would have enabled me to back up such a profound statement. I had
to learn that I couldn't control what happened in the past, but I had complete
control over what happened in the future. By allowing people of my past to
affect me, they still had control. Once I was able to move past the negative
experiences, changes began to happen. I was tired of thinking that I was the
victim.
There are actually scientific experiences to prove that
pessimistic people are more likely to develop chronic illnesses than optimistic
people! SO, not only do you spend time dwelling on things that you have no
control over, you cut your life short as well. Sounds pretty pathetic when you
think about it, huh?
In my conversations with people regarding the subject, I
have actually been asked, "so, you just don't care now?" No, that's not it either. It's being able to
take the good with the bad and what I have found is that the good generally
outweighs the bad. Being pessimistic will never aid in accomplishing a single
thing. One of the best inspirational messages I have ever heard, "Prepare
for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the
latter makes you an optimist."
Harvard professor Anthony Tjan gives a great practical method, entitles the
"24X3 Rule." The next time you hear an idea for the first time, meet
someone new, or ready to discuss a touchy subject, try to wait 24 seconds
before saying or thinking anything NEGATIVE. This reinforces a foundational
skill of good optimism and good leadership. That basic skill is listening. As
you gain the ability to listen and pause for a brief 24 seconds before allowing
“critic” inside you bubble to the verbal
surface, move to the next level and try to do it for 24 minutes. At 24 minutes,
you are able to give more considered thought to the idea and think more
carefully of the many reasons why it might actually work, why it might be
better than what is out there, and why it might just topple conventional
wisdom. And yes, you should also work
towards the ability to wait 24 hours — one single day — before pondering or
verbalizing the cons against something. Starting with this pause button will
reward you in more ways that you could imagine.
One last thing, I can remember during my bowling career
having one of those “a-ha” moments. I
noticed that when I bowled in the team environment, everybody was encouraging
to each other, with positive comments in support. I realized that when I competed individually,
I was extremely difficult on myself which too often led to negativity and that
always affected my performance. I started
to talk to myself the way I would talk to a teammate, with encouraging words
and support. It made a world of
difference. Try it next time you are
feeling down, give yourself the pep talk you would give a loved one or teammate. I bet it will make a difference!
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