The Magic Potion for Happiness - FREE and GUARANTEED TO WORK!

Toward the end of my active addiction and in the beginning of my recovery, I was so desperate to find happiness that I would have probably spent anything I could on a magic potion that could guarantee happiness.  After 10 years of personal torture, my mind was so screwed up that I actually believed the infomercials for magic potions and in thoughts of Neverland.  Just when I was about to give up, I was introduced to something that was life changing and I would like to share it with you so that it may have the same affect on your life, no matter where you are in it.

After losing everything to addiction, including my dignity and sense of pride, the ability to find gratitude in my life was something I thought was a cynical joke. When my recovery mentor suggested I started this simple exercise, I laughed in his face.  But, he promised me I would see a difference and he never steered me wrong with anything else, so I gave it a shot.  The exercise was simple: Get a notebook, put it next to my bed, and each night before I went to sleep I had to list FIVE things I was grateful for.  Some nights I wrote because my hair was still black, but others it was being grateful that I am one of the lucky ones that made it back from the dance with death.  After some time, the difference in my thought pattern was profound.  I was beginning to know the value of my heart, my close relationships, the oxygen that filled my nostrils, the water that allows me to take a hot shower, and the beautiful hummingbird outside my window.  The realization was that betwixt the occasional lack of money, stressful work weeks, and everything else life delivers, I am veritably rich beyond words.  Enough about me....let's get you started!

A few of you are going to say you simply have no time to do such a thing.  Just make it a daily priority.  Things will ALWAYS show up.  Be grateful for the energy to do all that you do!  I guarantee that when you have an appreciation for whatever life brings, you WILL see change your life.  When you spend time and energy being grateful for what you do have, there isn't any time left to think about what you do not have and the world will belong to you!  Just a few weeks ago, a client shared her "AHA moment." She realized her life wasn't really lacking a thing - despite the fact she had 32 cents in her bank account and her husband was in Iraq. She appreciated what she DID have.

This exercise is also something couples can do together.  I have clients that make the list with their husband/wife/partner, sending emails and texts to each other during the day.  It has worked wonders in their relationships. 

WHAT TO DO:

• Commit - You will always find a reason not to do this.  It seems much easier to complain about life!  Get the notebook, put it near the bed, and begin to look for what is right, not wrong.
• Begin - All you have to write is the beginning - "I am grateful for..."  It may take a sec or the words may flow.  It's about getting your mind to percolate differently.
• Jot it down - There may be times when a thought peaks into your minds during the day.  Jot it down and add it to your list and the end of the day.  It's a great way to defeat the traffic blues!
• No stops on this ride! - Once you begin to see a difference (and you will), such as catching yourself during the day being thankful for the smallest things - DO NOT STOP your routine.  It's the process of doing this that has enabled you to get to the point you are.  Ending the routine risks losing the little things.

Doing this on a regular basis has the power to improve your mood, increase your level of happiness, make your life less stressful, and give a better satisfaction to your life.  I have seen amazing results.  It is human nature to look at what is wrong, how we lack this and that, or compare ourselves to someone or something else.  But, if you give yourself a daily chance to see and feel the little blessings you do have, hope is created and that trumps anything else going on.  For those who think they have nothing to be grateful for - try this exercise: Each day, imagine losing one thing you take for granted, such as the ability to walk, see, or hear, your home, your car, a loved one.  Think of life without what you thought of. 

One last thing - BE CREATIVE!  For example, one day think of a person that is close to you and ask yourself three questions.  First, consider anything they have given you.  Then consider what you have given them.  Finally, consider what trouble you may have caused them.  You may owe others more than you think.  It's creative leaps such as this that have the ability to set off events of change in yourself.

I welcome your comments and would love to hear your future results.  Good luck!

Don't be so hard on yourself !

One of the biggest changes in life I have tried to make is learning to not always assume the worst (notice I said learning). Many of us have heard the expressions of seeing the glass half full vs. half empty or seeing the light at the end of the tunnel instead of focusing on the tunnel itself. I was one of the worst pessimists and it has been very difficult to shift my focus. When it came to looking at the glass, I didn't even see it half empty, I assumed it would be empty soon!

One of my favorite questions I used to ask (my good friend Michael Cardarelli can attest to this): Why is the entire world against me? Certain periods of my life may not have always been the best, but there sure wasn't anything that would have enabled me to back up such a profound statement. I had to learn that I couldn't control what happened in the past, but I had complete control over what happened in the future. By allowing people of my past to affect me, they still had control. Once I was able to move past the negative experiences, changes began to happen. I was tired of thinking that I was the victim.

There are actually scientific experiences to prove that pessimistic people are more likely to develop chronic illnesses than optimistic people! SO, not only do you spend time dwelling on things that you have no control over, you cut your life short as well. Sounds pretty pathetic when you think about it, huh?

In my conversations with people regarding the subject, I have actually been asked, "so, you just don't care now?"  No, that's not it either. It's being able to take the good with the bad and what I have found is that the good generally outweighs the bad. Being pessimistic will never aid in accomplishing a single thing. One of the best inspirational messages I have ever heard, "Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist."  Harvard professor Anthony Tjan gives a great practical method, entitles the "24X3 Rule." The next time you hear an idea for the first time, meet someone new, or ready to discuss a touchy subject, try to wait 24 seconds before saying or thinking anything NEGATIVE. This reinforces a foundational skill of good optimism and good leadership. That basic skill is listening. As you gain the ability to listen and pause for a brief 24 seconds before allowing  “critic” inside you bubble to the verbal surface, move to the next level and try to do it for 24 minutes. At 24 minutes, you are able to give more considered thought to the idea and think more carefully of the many reasons why it might actually work, why it might be better than what is out there, and why it might just topple conventional wisdom.  And yes, you should also work towards the ability to wait 24 hours — one single day — before pondering or verbalizing the cons against something. Starting with this pause button will reward you in more ways that you could imagine.

One last thing, I can remember during my bowling career having one of those “a-ha” moments.  I noticed that when I bowled in the team environment, everybody was encouraging to each other, with positive comments in support.  I realized that when I competed individually, I was extremely difficult on myself which too often led to negativity and that always affected my performance.  I started to talk to myself the way I would talk to a teammate, with encouraging words and support.  It made a world of difference.  Try it next time you are feeling down, give yourself the pep talk you would give a loved one or teammate.  I bet it will make a difference!

New Beginnings

New Foundations Recovery Blog (Project: Blog) is something that has been forming in my mind for quite some time.   I am ready to share my story, along with tidbits about addiction, recovery, and the will and way to live a better life. I am hoping that my story – one of triumphs and failures – can help some people.  From being on top of the world, traveling the country as a professional bowler, to losing everything to a drug addiction, to now being able to climb higher on the ladder of life has been some roller coaster ride. If I was able to find sobriety, anyone can because I was a lost cause because I failed miserably at every corner.  There were multiple failed rehab attempts, so many lost relationships and friends, a career (lifetime dream) down the tubes, and finally -  knowing how lonely and degrading a jail cell feels.

You see, addiction is a nasty, cunning, and baffling illness. It tears families apart without warning. Almost two thirds of Americans have friends or family members that have struggled with an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs and that fraction is growing. This doesn't even include the many that over medicate with prescription medications. That's how it started with me. I suffered a back injury as the result from an auto accident and was prescribed Vicodin from my trusted, well respected doctor. We never discussed what could happen with long term use.  I was in severe pain, needed to be able to bowl, and soon I was popping them like candy. The problem is, we upped the dosage, went to a stronger medication and it wasn’t very long before a full blown addiction showed its teeth! It seemed like it happened over night and what followed was ten years of living hell on Earth.

I have some things I hope to accomplish with "Project: Blog."  Not in any particular order, first I just want to share my story. I am officially taking off the mask, putting it all out there and revealing addiction for what it is, and what it does to people. Second, I want to show that recovery from addiction is REAL! People do come back. Just like other illnesses, it is treatable and manageable.  Recovery has given me a new purpose and hope for the future, who could ask for more? Last but not least, recovery is something that can be found on many different paths, there is no right answer. Whatever gets someone there, whether it be 12 step programs, spiritual beliefs, peer mentoring, coaching, or medication assisted treatment.  The goal is to get there.

This will not be just a blog about addiction and recovery, some of the stuff I plan on sharing is about everyday life and ways to make life better. Isn't that everyone's goal? I encourage everyone to leave comments to anything you feel like and join in the conversation....ask for advice if you feel you need it. I know that everyone will not agree with what I have to say and that is all right with me.   I have every intention of posting at least a few times a week, but will never post just to fill the screen. Most posts will be about something with depth and will definitely be brutally honest.

For the first time in my life, I am not embarrassed about where I have been. Hopefully someone can benefit from my many mistakes. One last thing, a big thank you to Sandra Matthews, a former university instructor who gave me the courage to share my story!  CIAO